Justifying Retreat: Why I'm Leaving the Academy
So, yesterday I’m on my way to my lunch break and the department graduate adviser asked me if I had time to talk. Sensing the presence of my inevitable come-to-Jesus meeting with the history department, I told him I did and followed him to his office. When he sat down he promptly asked me, “do you want to be a lawyer?” Evidently word of my law school acceptance had gotten around the department and my adviser, who I consider one of the most gracious and helpful human beings on the planet, wanted to know why the historical profession was “losing me.” As I tried to list my reasons, he quickly tried to assuage my concerns and it became evident that my points really weren’t getting across, or they were simply ill founded fears. Therefore, I thought I’d take a few minutes to explain my reasoning.
Like most causation, my motivation comes from a combination of factors, some more important than others. I guess I should say that I still have not made a final decision, but it is the most probable considering my circumstances. The first reason I'm leaving, which most people will probably point to as the “real reason” that I’m not pursuing a Ph.D., is the simple fact that I “didn’t get in.” While this may indeed be the “real reason,” I do not consider it to be the dominant factor. First and foremost I still have not received a reply from the institution, which for now will remain anonymous, to which I applied. Realistically, I figure that I’m on some kind of waiting list somewhere or I would have gotten a “we regret to inform you” letter long ago. Who knows, maybe I’ll get an acceptance letter in the mail tomorrow and I might just very well hit the delete button on this little blog, or at least change its billing, but I doubt it. I would also argue that if I really wanted to pursue a Ph.D. in military history, I could find a program somewhere that would accept me. But, for the time being at least, my mind is pretty much made up due to a number of things that go well beyond the fact that I “didn’t get in.”
Probably one of the most important factors determining my decision, at least in my book, relates to my disability. I am a C-5 quadriplegic, meaning I am paralyzed from about the top of my collarbone down. Though I remain mostly independent during the day, I require a large amount of help in the morning and at night to . . . let’s just say make ends meet. Moving away from my current living situation would be extraordinarily difficult and could quite easily damage my health if I moved to a town where, initially, I knew no one and something happened that required immediate assistance. Staying in Oxford is safe and comfortable.
“Well why don’t you do your graduate work here?” my adviser replied as I listed the above excuses to justify my decision, “you certainly have a lot of fans here that would hate to see you go.” Well, I thought for a minute and never really gave him a straight answer to the question. Truth be told, it tore me apart. Most of the faculty I’ve encountered in the history department here, from the chair on down, have been so kind and encouraging that I feel like I’m letting them down to a certain extent. They’ve gone out of their way to accept me with open arms after my accident, they’ve entrusted me with a TA position; compromised their interests, and quite possibly their beliefs, to work with me in military history; and have agreed to advise my thesis when there are a thousand other things that they could, and should, be doing. But they accommodated me anyway, actions for which I will ever be eternally grateful. Pursuing a Ph.D. at Ole Miss however, would require me to compromise my research interests and pigeonhole me into a category I do not wish to go.
Gender, class, race, and social history are fine. But enough’s enough. I need some narrative. A few drums . . . a couple of trumpets . . . you know . . . in the words of George Jung, “the disco shit!” Lord knows I have been an advocate for incorporating gender issues into military history over on War Historian and in my graduate papers but there are certain instances where these analytical categories work, and there are times when they have absolutely nothing to do with historical causation. Did Forrest Sherman construct his “attack at the source” naval strategy against the Soviet Union because he feared that relying on the Air Force’s use of the atomic bomb would destroy his masculinity as a U.S. naval officer? No, he formulated “attack at the source” because the Soviet submarine fleet would threaten Allied SLOC’s if the US went to war with the USSR and the Navy needed a way to justify its existence during postwar budget cuts. Now gender is applicable during Admiral Denfeld’s decision to participate in the so-called “Revolt of the Admirals” as his wife challenges him to “stand up” and testify, in my opinion an assault on his masculinity, but this is incidental and does not explain the revolt’s causality. Cant we just admit that there are some areas of history where gender just doesn’t work?
Most members of the Ole Miss history department are obsessed with these methodologies and if you’re not interested in Southern, intellectual, or cultural history you better get your ass out of dodge! 'cause these are the ONLY classes that are offered, so that’s what you’re gonna be studying. There’s nothing wrong with this, it just isn’t for me and I’m not going to change my interests to be accommodated by a department that doesn’t have a faculty member that can cater to my area of concentration. And so, no matter how difficult it may be, it is time to say goodbye to Ole Miss history I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. . . it’s been a joy.
Like most causation, my motivation comes from a combination of factors, some more important than others. I guess I should say that I still have not made a final decision, but it is the most probable considering my circumstances. The first reason I'm leaving, which most people will probably point to as the “real reason” that I’m not pursuing a Ph.D., is the simple fact that I “didn’t get in.” While this may indeed be the “real reason,” I do not consider it to be the dominant factor. First and foremost I still have not received a reply from the institution, which for now will remain anonymous, to which I applied. Realistically, I figure that I’m on some kind of waiting list somewhere or I would have gotten a “we regret to inform you” letter long ago. Who knows, maybe I’ll get an acceptance letter in the mail tomorrow and I might just very well hit the delete button on this little blog, or at least change its billing, but I doubt it. I would also argue that if I really wanted to pursue a Ph.D. in military history, I could find a program somewhere that would accept me. But, for the time being at least, my mind is pretty much made up due to a number of things that go well beyond the fact that I “didn’t get in.”
Probably one of the most important factors determining my decision, at least in my book, relates to my disability. I am a C-5 quadriplegic, meaning I am paralyzed from about the top of my collarbone down. Though I remain mostly independent during the day, I require a large amount of help in the morning and at night to . . . let’s just say make ends meet. Moving away from my current living situation would be extraordinarily difficult and could quite easily damage my health if I moved to a town where, initially, I knew no one and something happened that required immediate assistance. Staying in Oxford is safe and comfortable.
“Well why don’t you do your graduate work here?” my adviser replied as I listed the above excuses to justify my decision, “you certainly have a lot of fans here that would hate to see you go.” Well, I thought for a minute and never really gave him a straight answer to the question. Truth be told, it tore me apart. Most of the faculty I’ve encountered in the history department here, from the chair on down, have been so kind and encouraging that I feel like I’m letting them down to a certain extent. They’ve gone out of their way to accept me with open arms after my accident, they’ve entrusted me with a TA position; compromised their interests, and quite possibly their beliefs, to work with me in military history; and have agreed to advise my thesis when there are a thousand other things that they could, and should, be doing. But they accommodated me anyway, actions for which I will ever be eternally grateful. Pursuing a Ph.D. at Ole Miss however, would require me to compromise my research interests and pigeonhole me into a category I do not wish to go.
Gender, class, race, and social history are fine. But enough’s enough. I need some narrative. A few drums . . . a couple of trumpets . . . you know . . . in the words of George Jung, “the disco shit!” Lord knows I have been an advocate for incorporating gender issues into military history over on War Historian and in my graduate papers but there are certain instances where these analytical categories work, and there are times when they have absolutely nothing to do with historical causation. Did Forrest Sherman construct his “attack at the source” naval strategy against the Soviet Union because he feared that relying on the Air Force’s use of the atomic bomb would destroy his masculinity as a U.S. naval officer? No, he formulated “attack at the source” because the Soviet submarine fleet would threaten Allied SLOC’s if the US went to war with the USSR and the Navy needed a way to justify its existence during postwar budget cuts. Now gender is applicable during Admiral Denfeld’s decision to participate in the so-called “Revolt of the Admirals” as his wife challenges him to “stand up” and testify, in my opinion an assault on his masculinity, but this is incidental and does not explain the revolt’s causality. Cant we just admit that there are some areas of history where gender just doesn’t work?
Most members of the Ole Miss history department are obsessed with these methodologies and if you’re not interested in Southern, intellectual, or cultural history you better get your ass out of dodge! 'cause these are the ONLY classes that are offered, so that’s what you’re gonna be studying. There’s nothing wrong with this, it just isn’t for me and I’m not going to change my interests to be accommodated by a department that doesn’t have a faculty member that can cater to my area of concentration. And so, no matter how difficult it may be, it is time to say goodbye to Ole Miss history I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. . . it’s been a joy.
posted by Will at 7:39 PM
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