Things that Piss Me Off
Okay, we’re gonna start a little George Carlin section that I’ll be coming back to every now and then entitled “Things that Piss Me Off.” I’m sure George won’t mind, and if he does, well, I don’t really give a shit, he kinda pisses me off too. If you know me personally you’ll know that these types of entries could be quite numerous, but I promise to limit my cynicism as much as possible so bare with me. I’ve also told my sister that I’d try to watch my language but no promises here.
First on my list: PEOPLE WHO GIVE ME BOOKS TO READ
A lot of people seem to love to do this, and I’m guessing a few people, hell maybe even a lot of people like to get said book, read it, and then tell the giver they’ve read it so they can talk about how the damn thing changed their lives. My mom just goes ape-shit over it. Well let me just state for the record that I can’t fucking stand it. Every time someone gives me a book I feel like they’ve just handed me like 48 hours of work to do. Cause let’s face it, you’ve gotta read the damn thing. Everybody is always asking “hey did you get a chance to read so and so?” and you always feel like you’ve done something wrong if you haven’t read it. You wanna say “Uh, no I haven’t read your book and I don’t intend to but thanks for the effort.” But you can’t say that, it would be rude. Anyone ever notice that the truth is usually rude? Anyway, everybody feels like they’ve got to enlighten you. Well look, I don’t care to be enlightened! The self help book is the worst. What am I supposed to think when you give me a fucking self-help book? Look bud, if you think there’s something wrong with me why don’t you just keep it to yourself okay? If I want help I’ll get it, I don’t need, nor do I want your opinion on the matter.
It’s not that I don’t like books; my problem is I love books, people know it, and they know I read military history. They just don’t know the specific type. Look folks there are thousands of books on military history out there, the vast majority of which I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. I’ve got literally boxes of military history books people have given me to read and you know what, they’re still in the damn box. I am very particular about the books I read. I seriously have a list of like twenty books that I want to read right now, some of which I’ve already bought. I can see them. They’re sitting there justa callin out. But due to my heavy required reading schedule, I get very little time for pleasure reading and I’m not about to spend that precious time reading some kind of crappy military history book that somebody saw at Barnes and Noble and picked it up cause they “thought of me.” That’s sweet, I appreciate it but I’m not gonna read it. I’ll lie to you and tell you I’ve read it, but I won’t read it. Oh, and try not to ask me too many questions about it or it will just be awkward. Next time, just get me a gift certificate.
First on my list: PEOPLE WHO GIVE ME BOOKS TO READ
A lot of people seem to love to do this, and I’m guessing a few people, hell maybe even a lot of people like to get said book, read it, and then tell the giver they’ve read it so they can talk about how the damn thing changed their lives. My mom just goes ape-shit over it. Well let me just state for the record that I can’t fucking stand it. Every time someone gives me a book I feel like they’ve just handed me like 48 hours of work to do. Cause let’s face it, you’ve gotta read the damn thing. Everybody is always asking “hey did you get a chance to read so and so?” and you always feel like you’ve done something wrong if you haven’t read it. You wanna say “Uh, no I haven’t read your book and I don’t intend to but thanks for the effort.” But you can’t say that, it would be rude. Anyone ever notice that the truth is usually rude? Anyway, everybody feels like they’ve got to enlighten you. Well look, I don’t care to be enlightened! The self help book is the worst. What am I supposed to think when you give me a fucking self-help book? Look bud, if you think there’s something wrong with me why don’t you just keep it to yourself okay? If I want help I’ll get it, I don’t need, nor do I want your opinion on the matter.
It’s not that I don’t like books; my problem is I love books, people know it, and they know I read military history. They just don’t know the specific type. Look folks there are thousands of books on military history out there, the vast majority of which I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. I’ve got literally boxes of military history books people have given me to read and you know what, they’re still in the damn box. I am very particular about the books I read. I seriously have a list of like twenty books that I want to read right now, some of which I’ve already bought. I can see them. They’re sitting there justa callin out. But due to my heavy required reading schedule, I get very little time for pleasure reading and I’m not about to spend that precious time reading some kind of crappy military history book that somebody saw at Barnes and Noble and picked it up cause they “thought of me.” That’s sweet, I appreciate it but I’m not gonna read it. I’ll lie to you and tell you I’ve read it, but I won’t read it. Oh, and try not to ask me too many questions about it or it will just be awkward. Next time, just get me a gift certificate.
posted by Will at 8:10 AM
1 Comments:
While I am aware that I am behind the times a touch, i.e. I just read your blog for the first time in a month, I must comment on "Things that piss me off." Perhaps it was the reminiscence of great cynicism in days past that lifted my spirits, or it may be a result of my lack of understanding (or care) about real topics that plague the globe. Nevertheless, I was impressed with this blog entry, and would like to see more that focus on frivolous topics such as... well, that is, for you sir, to decide.
Best of luck wading through the melancholy revision process. Try to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel that is your first day of Law School.
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